Yo puedo más

There is a saying in spanish, "Ya no puedo más" that at times its normal for missionaries to feel or in general for anyone to feel. It means like, I don´t want to do more, I can´t do more anymore, I give up in other words. Believe me, the mission teaches you so many things about enduring to the end. You will be working so hard and never feel like you are having any kind of success and sometimes you´ll just keep questioning, what am I doing wrong to not help these people to get baptized? But then you learn....the spirit teaches you, the trials help you realize it all. I truly have seen why I am here and why I do not force people to get baptized not just because, yah they all have their lessons taught to them or because I just want a baptism. It is not like that at all....truly my companion and I have been talking about this and we have found so many inactive members in our ward. We have seen the importance of conversion baptisms. We want converts. Not just baptisms. I have seen my true purpose here. To really help people to realize that there is a loving Heavenly Father who loves you and wants to help you in your trials because He knows that it is not easy. You have to know, I can do more, yo puedo mas porque no estoy sola. I am not alone. I have accepted this calling and I promised to our Father in Heaven that I would serve it with all my heart, mind, might, and strength. 

This week...I have learned a lot. There is a 11 year boy that I am really good friends with and who always helps us in the obra misional. We were waiting in his house for his aunty to go out with us to appointments. I overheard him crying outside of the room we were in and I went out to see what was going on. He was crying and crying and I sat next to him and tried to see what I could do. He took a little time to eventually tell me because I could tell that he didn´t want me to worry. But eventually he told me that his parents didn´t want to be together anymore. It just broke my heart. It brought me to tears to see a 11 year old to feel such sadness for his parent´s happiness...and as well the happiness of his own family. I sat there for awhile and thought quietly to myself in thinking of what I could do and to dicern his needs. I sat quietly and Brigham came to my mind. Brigham you are an inspiration really (if you are reading this). I told him about how amazingly strong that you are to have gone through so much in your father and yet to be so happy. I told him how blessed we are to have the gospel when we don´t have a perfect family. I cried with him and I told him that whenever I cry, or we cry in that matter, I like to imagine God crying with us. And I knew He was. That we are never alone in our afflictions. Never alone. Before we left his house he gave me a hug and kept saying, "Gracias Hermana. Por todo." He made me promise to visit him on his birthday Feb. 14 next year and that only that he wants me to come see him and nothing else for his birthday. It was adorable. I just hope I am in Cochabamba still to do that. We will see. haha.

This morning my companion woke up unable to walk again. She was actually up and awake 2 in the morning and I was dozing on and off because she had the DVD player on. She was watching the restauracion and eating popcorn...it was a crack up. But yeah she usually does that when she can´t sleep because she gets pain..(oh gosh I can´t even explain myself properly in Ingles sometimes). But when the alarm went off, she told me what had happened and we waited out to see if eventually her leg to her spine would be released from pain...it so happens that it dwelled with her all morning and that we had to go to the hospital. So that is why I am emailing later than usually. We went to the clinic and it just broke my heart to see her in so much pain. I nearly cried...as I saw her bawling in pain when the doctors tried to force her leg down when really it only gave her more pain. I kept telling her, "Think of the atonement. Piense en la expiacion, en Jesucristo...en que si no puede, vamos a quedarnos aca.....otra vez". Casi...almost we had to stay over night in the hospital but she was luckily able to walk after two shots in her bum. Poor thing. Its funny how every time we go to the hospital, my love for her grows. At home..not so much, but in the hospital yes. God knows that...I think that is why He keeps sending us there. hahaha we hate the doctors here...but it so goes on. 

There is one week left until cambios. Exchanges. I have no idea if I will stay and finish training my companion (most likely) or if I will leave. We will see, but I really don´t mind anything. I just want to work. 

Tomorrow we are going to the temple! It has been so long. I am so excited to get in there and find some peace. I already can feel that peace from thinking about the temple. Which reminds me, we have been helping a family to be sealed in the temple. They will be sealed in September! It brings me so much joy! But yeah tomorrow I will most likely be using my debit card. Watch my balance account por favor.

I have been talking in my sleep again. In Spanish. My companion woke me up just to tell me that I was sleeping. haha and also all of my dreams are in spanish now. Its just incredible really. I have seen so much improvement in the language every week as I reflect on it. Its not perfect spanish but it improves. 

So I have been studying a lot of conference talks. I love it really. One I love the most is from the YW general president from the sister general meeting this past april, se llama, Sisterhood: Oh how we need each other. To be honest of course I have troubles in my companionship with my companion but this talk just changes everything. It made me realize of my faults and of my flaws and that I needed to be a better sister to her. And so future sister missionaries that are about to go out, read this talk and take it with you always because you will have a companion that will perhaps not be your best friend, but will be your sister. But always I have read a talk by Boyd K. Packer se llama, Some things that every missionary should know. Its buenisimo. I love it. I took tons of notes and I have grown to see that importance of a mission. It really shapes you for life. It teaches you to endure to the end and to truly rely on the spirit and the Lord in your life. You learn to develop Christ like attributes. I can not imagaine any return missionary going back to their old ways after have been out here serving the Lord. Its literally training for life and eternal life. You become a true servant and diciple of Christ. Can you imagine serving Him forever? I would love that. And you can! You can serve Him all your life. You don´t need to be a missionary to serve Him. You don´t need a badge to say that you are His representative. We are all His children and we owe it to Him that we show that we love Him. And how can we do that? We keep His commandments. Before one is baptized you have to realize that when you make the covenant of baptism, you have convenanted, or made a promise to God to keep His commandments for the rest of your life. That´s a huge promise and at the same time a blessing. 

So have I told you how hard it is here to find addresses and houses? Probably..but I am going to tell you again. There is no street names in my area, tampoco there is no sense of direction. We have references that say 2 blocks up and 5 block west, door red. Its rough...its really rough, but we do it because God knows we must. We are hoping that my companion can get better soon because we really want to find new people to teach. We are knocking doors sometimes because we look for old past investigators and sometimes its someone different...and so we would be like...oh bueno we are missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ.....lalallaala hahahaha but its pretty fun. You learn to lose yourself in this work and to really work. You learn to love others as children of God and to help them according to their needs. 

We have an investigator se llama Mariza. Do you know how hard that is for me? I never hear my first name much but her name is so similar to mine and so when I hear it, I can´t help to turn my head and see who said it. 

The people here are so humble. I love it so much. There are many homes in our area who don´t have any source of water for 3 weeks already. Its a struggle for them, but they still remain to be so happy....

I am so happy to be here. I love my companion. She drives me crazy a lot but really I love her. I love to learn things about the gospel and to see how the Lord´s hand is in this work. I have met a family who recently lost their mother to illness. They do not have any parents right now. And there are 7 kids...the oldest is 21, 19, 18, and so one. We were lucky to have the elders visit them because well they aren´t in our area but we found them. We were able to put a baptismal date on them. They are so prepared to hear the gospel. They have so many struggles right now, but are so faithful in knowing that they will see their mom again. I have seen so many miracles every day...It is just incredible. I have learned in 3 nefi about how God really knows what you need even before you say something. In 3 Nefi 13, before you pray, He already knows what you need, but you have to ask Him for it. Ask and you shall receive!! He is truly mindful of us and He wants us to become like Him and one way to do that is trials. Trials, trials, trials. But life really goes on and you grow :). 

I love you my family and thank you for all that you do for me. I do not want to be home right now. In a year, yes. Hahaha this month I will have 6 months in the mission. TAN RAPIDO ES! It makes me so happy to know that I have endured so much and yet I am still here. 

I love you sooooo much. Have a wonderful week and I will talk to you next monday!!!!!!

Les amo bastante, 

Hermana Santeco